Bukola Fash: On men, marriage and sex.

Bukola : Before

Bukola : Before

Bukola: AFTER. Sexual wellbeing network.

Bukola: NOW.

We have been friends for a while and I love the comments she makes on relationships. We got talking and before long we went into a full blown interview on relationships. Below are excerpts from the interview.

On Infidelity: As far as I am concerned, this is an act that results from believing you have another shoulder to lean on apart from your spouse.
It doesn’t have to be sexual, can be emotional. You simply use the person to replace your spouse. But marriage should mean you are there for each other.

Many get carried away into infidelity. Sometimes they don’t know why. They are not even able to define what happened. After some months or years in marriage, women get carried away with chores, children and work. Our lives are full of sacrifices and we unfortunately can neglect the man of the house. You feel that your children need you more than the man. He can take care of himself. The woman is caught at the centre. Many women don’t have time for themselves.  She finds she is doing every thing herself, including coping with children. She has no time to sit under the dryer to beautify herself. Meanwhile the girls outside have plenty time to beautify themselves.
Women also complain a lot about the help the man is trying to give them. Eventually the man gives up and leaves her to it.
Infidelity is so common now, 9/10 marriages are marked with infidelity in my opinion -I may be wrong. In my business, my clients are women and they talk to me about these things. Unfortunately, some men take good care of the home front so you don’t suspect them. A man used to come to my office, a CEO,  and if he cant make it home by 6pm, he will be phoning his wife to explain. He looked like the ideal husband. Yet he wanted to date me. He saw dating me as a game.

My husband doesn’t joke with anything to do with me but I cannot close my eyes and think he is a saint. Many men are polygamous by nature.
For them, it is a very interesting game. Men prefer to date married women because they are not too ambitious, they are not pushing for marriage.

Infidelity in women: A woman will only go out if she is not getting enough attention at home. We tend to take each other for granted. The married men go the extra length for the girls outside. The best man-friend is usually the worst husband.
I know men who will sit down while waiting for the girlfriend to chose a style but the married man will be hurrying the woman up. He will be restless. The men forget that a woman needs attention too.  I like being toasted by men, I enjoy it. A man should never underestimate his wife. As he is busy neglecting her, someone else is busy ‘eyeing’ her.

If I catch my husband cheating: I can cope. The only thing that will make me leave is if he is beating me. You have to insist he uses condoms in that scenario.
Don’t move out! Stay put. If you move out, she will move in.

Impact of Social media on relationships:
Many men will put their wives’ pictures on face book and yet be cheating on them.
Social media has worsened relationship problems. Now you can send your boobs picture to the UK or anywhere else in the world by fb messenger, unlike before when distance was a deterrent.

Women and financial independence: A woman needs to be financially independent otherwise this can affect her self esteem. You have to depend on him. You keep begging him, he is your messiah. So if you have no means of income, you are grounded. If you have a good source of income, the possibility is high the man will not leave. I have 3 houses in my name, so my husband cannot just get up and leave me because there is so much at stake.

I will not be stranded if my husband leaves me. I tell my husband, if you lose me, its your loss. I build things in my name. I don’t do joint account because I didn’t see it in the bible. I have a name. I do things in my name. I carry him along. He helps me bring surveyors etc. If your man cannot stand that, you can build in the name of your children. Don’t submit to Mr and Mrs so and so…because anyone can become Mrs so and so tomorrow.

There’s place for prayer, there’s place for action. With prayers all things are possible.
If he doesn’t attend church or have any faith, don’t nag about it. Invite him to programs that may benefit your relationships and don’t give him long stories about what you saw in church. You can summarise and then move on to other things. He is taking it in.

If the woman loves the man, she will have to repackage herself as well as pray. She will gain her self confidence back, will gain the man back. She will attract other men and with that, the man can come back if he sees other people running after his wife.
Looking good/re-branding doesn’t affect the man directly. It makes the woman more confident and happy. She may decline the advances from other men because deep down she loves her husband and wants him back. Let your husband see you as a super hot babe.

What can a woman do when communicate breaks down? She has to ask at the right time. Look for the right time. I know my husband loves me but may not talk to me for days because he is trying to push home his point. I am quick to say sorry because he is my husband. In marriage there is no plan B. We have to work to make it happen. Its not meant for the faint hearted.

Some women are very emotional. They are usually in marriages that are still less than 10 years. Its a phase every one passes through in marriage. You fight over a lot of unnecessary things. But after 10 years you already know what he is likely to say, the pressure at home gets down. The man also calms down. He realises that he is older and stays around the wife more now.

BUKOLA FASH is the owner of EXQsit Garments. Looking for a dress for your special occasion? Contact her on +2348023120057.


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Of bras, bra-fitters and skin cancer.

One of our readers sent in this article and asked me to share it on the SWN to help other women. I chuckled as I read the first part because I am one of those who have never used a bra fitter…I just sort of estimated what size will work for me and went for it. But it makes sense to get properly fitted and in many shops, this service is free.

She wrote: I will be grateful if you would post this on your blog, Sexual Wellbeing Network. It was my personal experience but I will like to remain anonymous.

I am one of those women who get into the shops and buy a bra that just fits. I then stick to that size. Recently I had a really scary experience when I noticed a scar on my breast. It started with one of my bras being a bit tight, so the iron in the bra was pressing a bit to the sides of my breast.

I eventually changed my bra but after a couple of years, just recently this scar became a bit itchy and I had to go to the hospital. The first thing the male doctor said was ”We need to have further tests as this may just have developed into skin cancer. To cut a long story short I had my biopsies and got the all clear but I need to pass this one to our ladies so you can take better care of yourselves.
Always go for a bra fitting and ensure you are given the right bra size. The bra fitting assistance will help you to choose the right size. Your breasts should fit fully into your bra and the bra should not sit too tightly on your breast as this could potentially damage your breast cells.

braPersonally I had never had a bra fitting until after this experience.
Wash your bra atleast after every three days.

Include lots of white bras in your collection so you can easily spot dirt and avoid breast eczema which may prove difficult to heal.

Do not use a washing machine to wash your bras, hand wash is recommended.
The straps on your bra should not be used in supporting your breast. Your breast is supported by the right cups in the bra.

A finger should go smoothly in between your bra straps.

Many thanks to the lady who sent this in.

A few additional notes from Dr Adaeze;

Some studies say that poorly fitted bras contribute to breast cancer by blocking the lymph vessels that would normally carry toxic waste away from the breast area. But other studies dispute this.

In case you are wondering why you should hand wash rather than use a washing machine, hand washing helps to preserve the shape and life span of the bra so that it works more effectively.

Poorly fitted bras can also cause back pains, headaches and neck pain as the weight of the breasts is not evenly distributed.

Click here to register for the Afrocarribean health event in Aberdeen on the 25th of October 2014.

Click here to get ‘Understanding Contraception’ our best selling fun and informative book

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Think Again -World Hepatitis Day is 28th July

World wide on the 28th of July, Hepatitis is brought to the stage. There are various types of hepatitis viruses. Some are sexually transmitted, others are not. They all cause inflammation of the Liver and in some cases, long term problems like Liver cancer.

On the Sexual Wellbeing Network, we want to use this opportunity to remind our community that Hepatitis is still very much around.

The good news is that it is treatable. But the first step is to get tested.English%20poster%20set%2017%2003_Page_09-14180650

Here are some facts for you: 

Informed? Unaware? Viral hepatitis kills 1.5 million people worldwide each year. That’s as many people as HIV/AIDS. Hepatitis: Think Again.

Informed? Unaware? Viral hepatitis is the leading cause of liver cancer. Liver cancer is the second biggest cancer killer. Hepatitis: Think Again.

Feeling fine? Are you sure? Symptoms of viral hepatitis often go unnoticed. Get tested. Hepatitis: Think Again.


Safe? At Risk? Viral hepatitis can be avoided. Know the risks. Hepatitis: Think Again.


Treated? Treatable? Viral hepatitis can be treated. Everybody deserves the chance. Hepatitis: Think Again.


Protected? Vulnerable? Viral hepatitis can be prevented. Vaccinate your children. Hepatitis: Think Again.

Protected? Vulnerable? Protect against viral hepatitis. Vaccination works. Hepatitis: Think Again.


Accepted? Refused? Stigma kills. Don’t discriminate. Hepatitis: Think again.

Accepted? Refused? Viral hepatitis doesn’t discriminate. Neither should you. Hepatitis: Think again.

 Viral hepatitis can be beaten. Play your part. Hepatitis: Think again,


Enjoy the official World Hepatitis Video below.

Need more information? Check out the World Hepatitis Alliance site here


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Another survivor speaks out: Lovely Nevo Burrell on surviving breast cancer.

Nevo Burrell

Nevo talks us through finding out that she had breast cancer and the impact it had on her life. We often think cancer is confined to someone or some people out there. It can be an eye opener to find it so close. Especially in someone relatively young.


How often do you check your breasts?
What is your reaction when you find a bump where there should be none?
Do you ignore it and hope it goes away?

We are very pleased at the Sexual Wellbeing Network that beautiful Nevo Burrell has so generously shared her story to encourage other women to be breast aware.
Watch the video below and feel free to share with others.
The Sexual Wellbeing Network community celebrates Nevo Burrell and wish her many more years of fulfillment in her work.Sexual wellbeing network, Nevo Burrell.

Nevo works as an Image Consultant and Personal shopper. A typical consultation consists of colour analysis (ascertaining the best colours that work well with the individual’s natural colouring), styling (identifying the body shape / physique and advising how to dress) – also looking at face shapes and advising on appropriate hairstyles, glasses, wardrobe planning, de-cluttering and personal shopping amongst other things. She can be contacted on nevo@nevoconcept.com and phone number  +44(0)7961 175 938

Click below to hear how brave Nevo survived breast cancer. You would be glad you did :-) Don’t forget to drop a comment below and feel free to share with your network.
Wondering about contraception? Get your copy of ‘Understanding Contraception’ here




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Jaydesse……the new ‘Lady’ in town.

One of the things that freak a few ladies out when we offer hormonal contraception is the thought of not seeing their periods.
No periods!! What! Is that even legal? And where will all the blood stay if its not coming out?
We gently explain that there is ‘no blood accumulating inside’ them. The contraception thins the linings of the womb so that there is nothing or very little to shed during the period. Sometimes the ability of the contraception to reduce your menstral flow is seen as a disadvantage to such ladies who find it very reassuring to have a monthly period.

On the other hand, many others are simply delighted not to bother with periods. For them, that is the attraction to those contraceptions like the Mirena coil. Perhaps they have struggled with very heavy (and sometimes, painful!)  menstral flow all their lives. And hormonal contraceptions have simply revolutionalised their lives by reducing and in some cases, stopping their menstral flow as well as providing contraceptive effect.
In some areas of the world where it is still very difficult to get regular water to have a good shower, no periods are good news!
Also sanitary towels, tampons, menstral cups and all other paraphernalia women use to keep themselves decent during menses still constitute a significant cost that some women are happy not to have to deal with.

Well, if you are in the first group of women who MUST have their periods, then let me introduce you to Jaydesse. Jaydesse is a hormonal contraception coil which has now been approved for use in the UK.
Jaydesse may already be known to our American readers as Skyla -Skyla has been in use in America since 2013 .                          Jaydesse contraceptive coil, sexualwellbeingnetwork

Jaydesse, apart from having a really cool name :-) has the following advantages:
– It is smaller than the mirena contraceptive coil which was the only hormonal coil in UK before the arrival of Jaydesse. Since its smaller, it is considered easier to insert.
– women may find the process of inserting it is less painful since it is smaller.
– You are likely to continue to have regular periods with Jaydesse.
– Jaydesse contains only 13.5mg of the hormone Levonorgestrel while Mirena contains 52mg of Levonorgestrel.

On the down side, Jaydesse
-is effective for up to 3 years only unlike mirena which is effective for 5 years.
-Can only be used for contraception while Mirena in addition to providing contraception, can also be used to help heavy periods (menorrhagia) and used as part of HRT if required when the woman becomes menopausal.
-Jaydesse is not the first choice for contraception in women who have never given birth as enough is not yet known about use in such women. But if a woman has considered other options and still prefers Jaydesse, it will be prescribed for her.
-Jaydesse is so good at preventing pregnancy however if a pregnancy does occur while you are using Jaydesse, it has a 50% chance of being an ectopic pregnancy.

Jaydesse is definitely a welcome addition to the contraceptions available to women especially as we wait (endlessly, it seems!) for a contraception for men that will save us women all the trouble…sigh…

Its worth having a chat with your doctor if you think Jaydesse will suit you. It is still relatively new, though and only time will tell how well received it will be.

We would love to hear from you if you have used Jadesse/Skyla and would like to share your experience. Comments can be posted below.
Join the conversation on our facebook page http://www.facebook.com/healthysextoday.





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I can’t see my copper coil thread..help!!

Lost Copper coil thread In the ‘kitchen’ of SWN blog….you know where the ingredients for a post are washed, mixed, cooked or baked or fried depending on the topic, we have some interesting cupboards.
One of these ‘cupboards’ is labelled ‘search engine terms’.
Search terms are words or phrases users use to find our blog when they search the internet.
I am often amused at the different terms that lead people to our blog.
But when I last looked, one term caught my eye: ‘how to castrate my husband’.
How to castrate my husband?? Seriously?
I was taken aback!
I am sure we have never talked about that on sexual wellbeing network and it seems really strange that if someone put in that search term in the internet, they should arrive at our blog but anyway…….
I really hope no one out there is seriously planning to castrate someone else. Please, do take a deep breath, count to 100, go and speak to a psychiatrist or anything rather than castrate your husband. If you are reading this, remember you can contact us at info@sexualwellbeingnetwork.com for a chat.
Now to my topic…
A reader sent in a question,

”I had a copper coil fitted some months ago and I was able to see the thread whenever I went to the bathroom. In the last few days, I realised that I can no longer see the thread. Should I be concerned?”

If you are not familiar with copper coils, read our earlier post on copper coil.

First of all, I had to clarify if she meant she couldn’t feel the thread rather than see.
But no, she emphasized that she couldn’t see the thread.
I decided to answer the question on the blog so others can benefit.
A video will be coming out as well for our more visual readers.

When a copper coil is fitted, it comes with thin threads which are cut short and hang from the neck of the womb into the upper vagina.
It will be very unusual indeed for you to see the threads.
You should only be able to feel your threads when you pop a finger into your vagina. You should feel the thread at the tip of your fingers inside the vagina. It shouldn’t be so long that you can actually see it.
So I had two concerns about her question.

The first is that if she could see the thread, then the threads probably were not cut short when she had the coil fitted. A long thread can lead to a coil being easily dislodged just like you are more likely to trip over the long wire of your vacuum cleaner than the short wire of a microwave.
The second concern is that a long thread may suggest that the coil was not properly sited. It may just be in the vagina or down the neck of the womb.

In any of the above cases, she is at risk of pregnancy.

Now that she cannot see the thread at all, it is likely the coil has fallen out.

The best thing to do if you think you can see your thread on the outside is to go and see your coil provider to check if the coil is in the right place. Do not have sex: you may be at risk of pregnancy. If you must have sex, before you can get the coil checked out, use a condom very carefully.
In case you are wondering why we leave some thread at all, this is what we grasp on to remove the coil when its time to come out. Many women also feel for the threads to reassure themselves that the coil is still in place.

Remember to send in your sexual health questions to info@sexualwellbeingnetwork.com
You can read about contraceptions in our book: ”Understanding Contraception”

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Posted in Contraception | 2 Comments

ABC of PRE-Eclampsia: A Tribute to the late Kefee Don Momoh ”Branama Queen.”

Kefee, sexualwellbeingnetworkAttention please!
This article is for you if you are pregnant, have just had a baby or know someone who is pregnant.

Many pregnancies happen uneventfully. The woman goes into hospital and comes out with a baby – wonderful!
But occasionally things do not go as planned. Sometimes, a condition called Pre-eclampsia rears its ugly head in pregnancy and can have devastating consequences.

Pre-eclampsia is not a topic usually featured on this blog. But I have written this in response to a request from a reader asking that I use this medium to raise awareness of this condition following the death of Nigerian singer Kefee Don Momoh who was loved for her catchy tunes such as ‘Branama’ and ‘Kokoroko.’
Reports by popular media at the time of her death revealed that the singer was said to have been 6 months’ pregnant when she died of complications of Pre-eclampsia.

I do not have any direct links with her family, was not involved in her medical management and cannot confirm what she died of but I just want to use this medium to encourage all pregnant women to ensure they ATTEND PRE-NATAL-CARE as a way of preventing unnecessary death from Pre-eclampsia.Kefee, sexualwellbeingnetwork, Adaeze Ifezulike

So what is Pre-eclampsia?
This is a medical condition which occurs in some pregnant women or women who have just been delivered of a baby due to problems with the placenta through which the baby in the womb is fed.
At the initial stage, the woman may not feel anything at all.
The signs (which can be detected at ante-natal care) may be high blood pressure and protein in urine.
The woman may also notice some symptoms such as headache, blurring of her vision, pain at the upper right side of her tummy and swelling of her face, ankles, feet and hands.

The only cure for pre-eclampsia is to deliver the baby.

Kefee, Branama, Sexual wellbeing NetworkThere is still so much science does not know about Pre-ecampsia and research is ongoing to understand what it is about the placenta that causes pre-eclampsia.
Some studies suggest the following risk factors for Pre-eclampsia:

  • first pregnancy or first pregnancy with a change of partner.
  • is likely to happen in the next pregnancy if it happened before.
  •  Age above 40 years
  • may occur if your mum or sister had pre-eclampsia
  • more than 10 years between pregnancies.
  • if you already have hypertension, kidney problems or Diabetes before the pregnancy.

So what should you be doing if you are pregnant??
1. Attend every single pre-natal appointment during your pregnancy. Please don’t be slack about this. Many women say ‘they just check my blood pressure, that’s all’ so they miss their appointments because they don’t understand the value of the pre-natal checks.
2. Ensure that your blood pressure is checked EVERY TIME you attend the clinic. Please be involved: no harm in knowing what your blood pressure is like usually and keeping an eye on what its doing during your pregnancy and in the few weeks afterwards.
3. Ensure that your urine is checked EVERY TIME you attend the clinic. Protein in urine can be an important sign of pre-eclampsia. If you are not asked, please speak up and ask to have your urine checked.
4. Swelling of your feet can be normal in pregnancy but sudden weight gain or excessive swelling especially if there is also puffiness of your face, around your eyes and hands may be an important symptom of pre-eclampsia: ensure that you bring this to the attention of your health care provider immediately.
5. Very painful headache that isn’t easing with simple painkillers, and which is making your eyes sensitive to light or causing your vision to be blurred should be reported IMMEDIATELY so that your blood pressure can be checked.
6. Sudden appearance of nausea and vomiting long after morning sickness of early pregnancy has ceased should be checked out.Kefee, sexual wellbeing network, Adaeze Ifezulike
7. Tummy pains especially the upper right side of the tummy but also at the shoulder may be a sign of liver problem which can occur in pre-eclampsia
8. Breathing problems may be a sign of fluids accumulating in your lungs: please report this to your doctor immediately.

If you are found to have pre-eclampsia, the doctor would monitor you very closely and may have to deliver the baby before its due to save your life.
Complicated pre-eclampsia can result in seizures (Eclampsia) and death of both mother and baby.

Pre-eclampsia occurs in less than 10% of all pregnancies and if diagnosed and managed appriopriately, can still result in a good outcome for the woman and also the baby.

RIP Branama Queen.

We hope this tribute helps to save other lives from Pre-eclampsia.

Posted in Black Heroes, Pre-Eclampsia | Tagged , , , , , , , | 13 Comments