It’s my wife’s fault!

So Amina came back to see me as planned. If you are new to the blog, please read the previous articles here https://adaezeifezulike.wordpress.com/2013/09/25/contraception-to-ignore-it-or-tackle-it-that-is-the-question-2/ and also https://adaezeifezulike.wordpress.com/2013/09/30/youre-pregnant-congratulations-or-not/.

This time, I was pleased to see that she’d brought her husband with her. Studies show that if men are involved in making decisions about contraception, the women are more likely to continue with the method jointly chosen and are more tolerant of side effects. So ladies, take your husband along with you to the family planning clinic if you can.

After they both sat down and we finished with the pleasantries, the husband said: “I came so I can see this doctor who is suggesting adoption to my wife.” He was angry. “How could you even suggest such a thing?”

I gave Amina my best what-have-you-been-telling-your-husband look. I was taken aback.

“How would she carry the pregnancy? Everybody will see her pregnant and then what will we say to people when there is no baby in the end?”

‘I won’t let anyone know I am pregnant…’ Amina ventured timidly.

‘Indeed, when you start spitting all over the place, how won’t people know? And when the tummy starts showing, what would you say is inside there? Food?’

I stifled my laughter.

“We were just discussing possible options to abortion,” I explained. “I do the same with any woman who presents for an abortion; but of course the ultimate decision lies with you and we are here to help whatever your decision. I just try to make sure you’ve thought things through.’

I could see him visibly relax as I explained.

“Abortion is not like having your tooth taken out, you know.”

“Okay, I see,” he said, his voice quieter.

“All this wouldn’t have happened if she’d been more careful,” he continued gesturing at Amina.

“Me?!” Amina recoiled at the accusation. I could see tears forming.

“How do you mean?” I asked.

“’Doctor please tell her she needs to ensure she doesn’t keep getting pregnant. Even little girls of 16 years know how to not get pregnant.”

“What do you think you could do to help the situation?”

“Me?”’ He was thrown by my question. “But this is her responsibility. She is the one getting pregnant.”

“Have you ever considered getting sterilised?”

“What?! First you talked of adoption, now you are saying sterilisation! Surely you don’t understand our ways even though you are one of us. A man doesn’t get sterilised.”

“Okay, I look forward to discussing that at another time with you but, for now, let’s hear what you’ve decided to do about this pregnancy.”

“Abortion of course.”

I looked at Amina to get her consent. “Yes doctor, we will go for an abortion,” she said quietly.

“Okay.”

“So what do we do next?” She asked.

I shall be discussing what happens on the next blog so be sure to click the follow button so you don’t miss out.

What do you think about male sterilization?

Consider these statistics from the World Health Organisation (WHO) 2013 on contraceptive use. The percentages using male sterilisation for different countries are as below:

Canada 22%

UK         17%

Namibia 0.8%

South Africa 0.7%

Uganda  0.1%

Zambia 0.1%

It’s obvious that the concept of male sterilisation hasn’t taken root among black communities.

Should we be promoting male sterilisation? What do you think is the reason why black men do not go for sterilisation even when they are sure their families are complete?

Don’t forget to participate in the poll on contraception here https://adaezeifezulike.wordpress.com/2013/10/01/lets-know-what-you-think/. I value your input immensely. You are the reason for the Blog! Thank you for reading.

Feel free to leave a comment in the comment section. Till next post, stay strong!

Dr Adaeze.

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22 thoughts on “It’s my wife’s fault!

  1. Olive says:

    It’s sad that though we know abortion is murder, we continue in it and help people to abort children. Let me repeat…ABORTION is MURDER. We have walked so far away from God and His statutes that ‘modernism’ is now the order of the day. No matter how we look at it the guilt of abortion in whatever religion stays with the woman all through her life. Do not have a hand in it, nor propagate it. When those children are murdered in the womb, they scream silently. You may not hear it. But God does.

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    • ifezua says:

      Hi Olive, your opinion is important. We must start talking about these things, I believe. Its not sufficient to say ‘Abortion is murder’. People must be taught how to avoid an unplanned pregnancy in the first place so that the issue of abortion doesnt arise. That is one of the aims of this blog. Effective contraception is SO vital! Thanks for taking the time to write in.

      Like

  2. Sisbee says:

    Male sterilisation amongst African men is sometimes seen as a taking away of their manhood and I’m not surprised it isn’t popular. These misconceptions need to be addressed and the modern African man needs to be enlightened better. Segun made a good decision but I read the undertones. The inability to share with his family probably stems from the stigma and taboo attached. The first generation black person lives generally in a place of ‘what if’s’……. Until we get there keep up the good work Doc. X

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    • ifezua says:

      You are right Sisbee ‘the modern African man (and woman, if I may add) needs to be enlightened better’ and that’s what this blog hopes to achieve. stigma and taboo are some of our worse enemies and it’s time to tackle that. If Mary Slessor didn’t speak up, twins will still be killed in black communities up till now. Thanks for writing in.

      Like

    • Engee says:

      The whole idea of sterilisation is to prevent pregnancy when a couple is done with child bearing. Wondering why a man will want a reversal then.?? Could it be that he decides he now wants more children?

      Like

    • ifezua says:

      Hi John,thanks for your question because I know you spoke the mind of many other men. Male sterilisation is reversible(and costly!) but not always successful. We counsel men who come for it to regard it as irreversible.

      Like

  3. Segun Philips says:

    I am Nigerian who schooled and lived in UK for some years. I have two lovely kids and honestly they are my best gift from God ever. I had vasectomy 5 months after our second child. I am very normal, my home run is awesome, my erection and ejaculation is superb and I also know that I can have a reversal if the need arises but truth be told even after the marriage broke down I have no regret,(cost of reversal is less than 3000 pounds in uk now) I am not keen on remarriage and even if I find love again and remarry, I can adopt a child or 2 if necessary or do artificial extraction and insemination if I don’t want reversal. HMMM, I DON’T KNOW IF I WILL TELL ANYONE TO GIVE YOUR POWER STATION TO A CLINIC WHERE THEY ARE LIKELY TO EXPERIENCE POWER OUTAGE DURING THE PROCEDURE FOR SUCH HELP SHA…….
    I am not talking fiction, this is real but I have never told any of my siblings or friends that I had Vasectomy and do not have plan to.
    Why did I do it? I just didn’t want more than 2 kids in a wobbling and very rocky marriage and I felt it is ungodly for me to be having more kids under the situation. I prefer action to complaints particularly when I knew she was not willing to have a long lasting contraception procedure so I did and still happy I did.

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    • ifezua says:

      Segun, a warm welcome to the blog and thanks for taking the time to comment. Its great to hear from the blokes and I hope more blokes will follow suit because even though its a ladies’ forum, we need valuable input from our brothers. So nice to hear from a sterilized man who can assure others that ‘my erection and ejaculation is superb’ after sterilization. Thanks for commenting.

      Like

  4. Engee says:

    Hi Dr Adaeze, I am so happy that male sterilisation is being discussed. It is amazing that even educated black men are not considering doing it even though the success rate is greater than sterilisation in women. They are however fast to encourage and support their wives to tie their tubes. I believe that men think they loose what makes them men. This is not true as everything remains same and if not better as the woman is no longer afraid of getting pregnant. The only difference is the ability to get a woman pregnant. If they have completed their families, shouldn’t they be happy about this or do they have plans to impregnate someone else?? We really need to promote male sterisalation among black men as a permanent bitrth control measure. I am hoping men will respond to this topic.

    Like

    • ifezua says:

      Hi Engee, 2 important statements you highlighted:
      ‘Everything remains the same’ after sterilisation ie men you are still MEN! You can Still perform as usual 😀
      ‘Things are better as the woman is no longer afraid of getting pregnant’ and I add, therefore she can relax and enjoy the sexual encounter.
      True words indeed! Thanks for your contribution. Men I would love to hear your views on this pleaseeee

      Like

  5. Kc says:

    Dear Dr Ada, this is yet another thought provoking blog. I have a few thoughts on this. I think male sterilisation (which apparently is a simpler procedure than a hysterectomy and female sterilisation) should be promoted more amongst black people. The statistics are clear and in fact in men just dont want to hear it at all which I think is sad because it is an easy solution to these issues. One school of thought however is this: our society is generally notorious for male prromiscuity even among some of the married folk. I may be speaking for some women when I wonder if sterilisation would increase this problem as the risks are reduced. Please keep up the good work Dr. Ada.

    Like

    • ifezua says:

      Thanks K.C.
      An interesting angle you raised there! So folks out there, do you think male sterilization will increase male promiscuity since sterilized men are no longer afraid of impregnating a woman??

      Like

  6. pearl says:

    Interesting……want to see what their decision was at the end. Abortion……….hmm! is killing a God given life so that’s not an option in my opinion.

    Like

    • ifezua says:

      Hi Pearl, thanks for taking the time to write in! Your opinion is valuable. Hopefully, this platform will enable us all start exploring these issues that for several years have been hidden away.

      Like

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