Another survivor speaks out: Husband Bullying.

Husband bullying,sexual wellbeing, Women experience very challenging circumstances and it’s always a pleasure to meet someone who says, “It was tough but I survived!”

I met one of such amazing women and she wanted me to share her story to encourage other women who feel unsupported by their partners when they are pregnant. This is her story in her own words.

Child Number one

Hubby was so happy when I told him we were pregnant. So many issues were going on at that time but he said, we keep this child, we might not be able to afford it, but we are having this baby.
“I can’t wait to tell my mum, I hope it is a boy,” he said.
I said “ I hope the child is healthy.”

Child number 2, 3 1/2 years later

“So you are pregnant, how many times did we sleep together? You did not consult me before you got pregnant. I am not ready for another child. We should have planned conception, so it can be a boy. I don’t even want to know anything about this child – You better do something about it.”
Luckily for me my mother in law was on my side on this one.
She said “don’t worry, You’re having this baby for me.”

Child number 3

I was four months gone, having periods and all, when I found out I was pregnant. I had removed the coil because I was so ill with it and it affected my blood pressure. Also, my husband and I did not have sex that often, so I could not really be bothered.

    BIG MISTAKE!!

We went down the same old route of  “the pregnancy is not mine, you better go and find the owner of the pregnancy or get rid of it. I will have nothing to do with you or the child. You have just denied the girls of their father.”

And this time the man moved out of our bedroom, started an affair that lasted four years. I would hear him speaking to this woman in the middle of the night. He spent days away from home.
As if that was not enough, I was subjected to having a scan to find out the sex of the baby at seven months of pregnancy. Plus when my in-laws arrived on holiday and saw me pregnant and they could sense the tension in the home, they called a meeting.

Their son said he was not ready for another child. Every time I slept with him, I got pregnant.

My father in law said these piercing words “What is the matter?” Why are you having children like an illiterate? Don’t think that the number of children you have, will stop my son from going outside.”

Wow – such damaging and piercing words!

I got up from that conversation and never took my problems to my parents-in – law after that statement.
As soon as a I had my third child, I asked my doctors to have my tubes tied. They were not willing but I insisted.

  • My body, my choice!

Four years later he moved out, just before I received diagnosis for breast cancer tests. Two years later he filed for divorce.
I hold no grudges. I learnt a big lesson. Today I hold my head up high, to the glory of God my children are now more independent. I am better. If I had to do it again, I would but I am happy I did not succumb to the pressure to terminate any of the pregnancies. I hope my story helps others.

Remember you can send your inspiring stories to info@sexualwellbeingnetwork and if suitable, it will be featured on our “I am a woman, I am Strong, I survive. Celebrate me” series.

Download Dr Adaeze’s free guide to Outstanding Sexual Intimacy here.

Enjoy another touching story “All she wanted was to be loved in return” here.

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3 thoughts on “Another survivor speaks out: Husband Bullying.

  1. 'Kego Onyido says:

    Such an inspiring story! Dr Adaeze, you and your team are doing a phenomenal job at spreading the word re sexual, emotional and overall well-being of women in our communities. Thank you.

    Like

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